It’s almost New Year’s Eve …

And I have a lot of things to accomplish this coming year.

Most years I get to December 31 and become depressed at what I haven’t accomplished over the past year.  This year’s different: this year I’m going to look back at what I have done during 2014 and what I am going to accomplish in 2015. So …

I have:

• Started a new job and have made a good deal of progress in it
• Worked with a personal trainer for most of the year and learned to enjoy exercise again
• Practised mindfulness and kept stress at bay (well, mostly!)
• Been on holiday with 3 different friends
• Learned that it’s ok to grieve and to admit your feelings
• Curbed my spending on unnecessary purchases (ongoing!)

From 1 January, I am:

• Exercising 3 times a week
• Losing 2lb per week
• Cleaning the flat properly every week
• Using all the food I buy and not binning it
• Going out at least once a fortnight
• Meeting with Julia, Roisin, the Norfolk crew, the old girls
• Making the most of all social groups I belong to
• Dating – there must be someone out there for me!
• Finishing my paper by 10 January *yes, really!
• Achieving my D2 Fellowship.
• Writing another paper
• Completing a 1.5k swim and 5k walk/jog

The truth will out …

Tags

enlightenment, health kinesiology, self-discovery

How many times have you said – either to yourself or somebody else – that you are definitely going to do something but then never do it?  Maybe you said you were going to lose those extra pounds to get into an outfit for a special occasion, or take packed lunches to work to save some money, yet somehow – even though you started with the best of intentions – it never seems to work.  The odd biscuit creeps back in with the coffee, and although you bought everything you needed for lunch, you didn’t get up in time to make it.  Sound familiar?

I had a really interesting session of Touch for Health kinesiology the other day, and I fully admit to having been sceptical when I went along.  How could gentle pressing on muscles not only reveal when I was being less than truthful with myself but also help to change my behaviours?  If you’re thinking “yeah, right!” at this point, I don’t blame you.  My therapist asked if I had a particular goal in mind that I wanted to achieve and then told me to say it out loud – not an “I will do/be …” but “I am …”  He then requested that I hold my arm out in front of me, and applied gentle pressure downwards as he asked a few control questions (age, occupation, where I lived, etc).  To my surprise, my arm moved slightly and then stayed in place, not fighting against him, but wanting to make its presence felt.  However, when he asked me questions relating to my stated goal, I found my arm collapsing to my side.  He asked me to repeat words after him and measured my response to them.  I was stunned when he came up with the fact that I don’t have enough yellow in my life (not my favourite colour and one which I avoid mostly) and the negative side of this represented isolation and blocked emotions amongst a list of things that resonated deeply within me.  A year of psychotherapy had also highlighted these as longterm issues and I found myself crying, which is not something I tend to do.  This was followed by what I can only describe as a very powerful sort of healing, and I left there feeling at peace and actually loving myself.

The truth will out, we say and, as I learned through Touch for Health, it sometimes shows itself more clearly in the body than through the voiced spirit.  So next time you’re feeling tense, or generally under par, ask yourself what your body is really trying to tell you.  It worked for me …

Lightbulb moments!

Tags

enlightenment, self-discovery, therapy

Do you ever think you’re the only person who’s wandering around in the dark?  Does everyone else seem to have a clear idea of where they’re going in life?  Do you feel the light at the end of the tunnel needs replacing?

If you’re currently going through one of those crises of confidence, then you’re not alone.  Every time I look at Facebook, I’m bombarded with aphorisms telling me that everything happens for a reason or that nothing can bring me success but myself.  Until today, I’d read these nauseatingly cheerful snippets with a large sickbag to hand, along with a sneaking wish that I really could be that confident (instead of just appearing that way).

I found myself at the middle of one of those crossroads that sneak up on you in life, where none of the roads seem clearly signposted.  This has happened several times before and usually I just park myself there until something shoves me on my way – not a planned route, you understand, but nevertheless it removes me from stasis and the journey is interesting if not necessarily what I would have planned for myself, if I could have been bothered to do so.

This time, however, the routes had two distinct directions

I wasn’t sure whether to throw in the towel with therapy as a recent session  had really rattled me and I found myself composing a text to the therapist to cancel our next meeting, telling myself that I’d got as much out of it as I could.  However, another part of me wanted to let rip and tell him how angry I’d been after that session.  For once, instead of waiting for something to happen or making a hasty decision, I decided to write my thoughts down – all very stream of consciousness.  I left my ramblings for a couple of days and re-read them.  What I had been unable to see clearly initially, now stood out like a beacon indicating the way forward: it was time to take responsibility for what I do in life and if that meant dealing with confrontation, then I needed to do it.  My anger evaporated almost immediately.

My next session was a breakthrough: for the first time in a long while I could see clearly where I had been stuck, and explain easily how I felt without my emotions getting in the way.  Far from the dreaded confrontation, I was congratulated on having the courage to face my demons head on.  There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel.

Diets, etc.

Tags

diets

When I looked for a definition of the word “diet”, I honestly thought I’d find something like this: “a restricted amount of food and drink consumed by an individual on a daily basis in order to lose weight”.  Instead I found the following @ the freedictionary.com

diet /di·et/ (di´it) “the customary amount and kind of food and drink taken by a person from day to day; more narrowly, a diet planned to meet specific requirements of the individual, including or excluding certain foods.di´etary”

A wrinkling of the brow was followed by extensive googling for a definition closer to my own, but none was forthcoming.  So, sitting at my computer writing this entry, it has just dawned on me how emotive the word “diet” is for any dieter, and furthermore, how much of an emotional eater I am.  Food has become a focus in my life: to comfort or treat when I’m feeling down or bored; to impress others when my self-esteem needs boosting; and to act as a reward if I’ve been dieting.  Not surprising that my definition of diet means restriction rather meeting specific requirements.  The only time I ever think of food as fuel is if (extremely rarely!) I’ve forgotten to eat for over 7 hours and I grind to a halt.

So, I’ve been given a health eating pattern (note the word “diet” is missing here) which I’m following, and I’m treating myself on a weekly basis to things which will genuinely make me feel good about myself: the expensive bath/shower cream; new make-up; a manicure; a massage.  It’s all about loving and not loathing myself from now on.

If you’re also trying to change your eating habits – I wish you luck or, as they say in French, “courage!”

Therapy: now there’s a subject

Tags

meditation exercises, therapy

I have a confession to make: I’ve been having therapy for the last 10 months.   That wasn’t too difficult to admit, but I can’t say it’s something I openly tell people.  I originally went to tackle performance anxiety (no, not that sort of performance!) which we dealt with very successfully.  However, that process made me want to examine other areas of my life which I felt had led to this point, and so I decided to plunge into the depths of my psyche.

Stirring up apparently still waters definitely muddies the water for a while, and I certainly have found some interesting things lurking amid the pondweed.  Occasionally the waters gently lap once more and I can see clearly for a distance, and then I get the urge to stir them up once more.  It’s a bit like picking at a particularly stubborn spot.

I find it really interesting that all hypnosis and meditation exercises encourage you to descend into water (perhaps taking you back to the womb?) and there is comfort to be found in your own “pool”.  Sometimes I’m happy floating in there, but other times I feel like both Perseus and Andromeda – the rescuer and the damsel in distress – looking in the water to avoid gazing directly at the monster of Medusa and then realizing that she is also part of me.

Confused?  Join the club!

Musings of a (post-)menopausal woman …

Welcome to my blog!

This is part of my project to try out new things in my life, and to write about what I’ve been doing.

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